About me

At the end of 2019, I stumbled into a psychologist at the health center during their drop-in time. His name was Johannes and he is the nicest person I have ever met in healthcare. I cried and couldn't find the words while my partner told me how I was feeling. Johannes said "I think you have moderate to severe fatigue depression". Huh? Well, not me.. What will they think about work if I'm on sick leave? I can handle everything, there's something else wrong..

The time after was complicated. I had panic attacks just leaving the apartment, but at the same time I was sitting at home in the kitchen making ceramics and counting how many cups I had made in a day. It was spring 2020. I started with ceramics in the fall of 2019 in an open workshop and I turned every Wednesday as if it were a job. I had no idea how to rest. The doctor told me not to just lie at home in bed and that I had to go and exercise, but he had no idea that I had been exercising 4-7 days a week, sometimes double shifts, for almost 4 years and that that was probably part of the problem. Our society knows very little about what it means to be a healthy person. I actually already knew that, but this is where my personal journey began. The one that would give me my own experience and understanding. Sometimes you need to feel and experience, not just understand intellectually.

In the spring of 2020, our little family consisting of me, my life partner and cohabitant and the dog Eydis (aka the family princess) moved to Åre. Quite quickly, we moved from an apartment in the village to a cabin in the forest. I started studying art at folk high school and continued to struggle with my ideas that my self-worth lies in how productive I am and what results I create.

Folk high school was a very free environment and it was difficult for me to relate to, having studied engineering and worked in a job with a fast pace and high demands on performance. I noticed that my lower back pain got worse during the day when I worked with the ceramics. I couldn't lean in and enjoy the process but was always focused on the result, always somewhat frustrated that I wasn't good enough. At times I didn't want to do ceramics at all. I thought it was materially pointless and felt very lost in which path I should take in life next. I made one last attempt to work as a programmer, a title my ego liked and didn't want to let go of. Even though I was only working 50%, it became painfully obvious that I don't belong in an office in front of a screen. I started to wither again. Sometimes you need to feel and experience it... ten times over.

In March 2022, I was given access to my very own pottery studio. My feelings about pottery had been mixed, but I had made up my mind. The journey continued and I counted how many cups I managed to turn in an hour and was disappointed when I wasn't as fast as my favorite potter said you needed to be to make money. But I started to see it more clearly now. I realized that it was just one person running their business their way. It's not my way. I started to listen inward. I started to see and learn things that this society couldn't teach me. The lower back pain has started to calm down. The dog, who is otherwise sensitive to sound, slept through the noise and trucks from the car inspection next door. When I sit with my clay, she knows that everything is as it should be.

After a while in Åre, something started to tug at me again. Was it just my restless soul as usual or was something new actually going to happen now? In August 2023, we really started to think about moving back home. Maybe not to the village where I grew up, that was a bit of a stretch..? But the high coast, it's nice. In September, we got word that an old elementary school in my hometown was going to be sold and in February 2024 we moved in. Sometimes it goes by so fast! There's more than enough space here for us and my ceramics in an absolutely fantastically beautiful environment, both inside and out. It's more than I could have ever dreamed of and we've swapped workshop noise for bird chirping and tractor noise, swapped parking and car inspections outside the window for a lake view. I'm home again.

I'm starting to find that feeling inside. In my relationship with ceramics, I develop as a person. At every step, from the moment I touch the clay until the piece is sent off to a new home, I learn about myself and become a better person. So if you choose to support my work, know that it is so much bigger than you can imagine. You are helping a person find their relationship with their soul. To become a better family member. To become a better person. To dare to give more to the world and stop being ashamed of their existence.

The ceramics that appear here are the ceramics that I enjoy making. I have learned that I enjoy creating in my own flow and being free. Therefore, everything from everyday objects to sculptures, large and small, can appear. I hope you find something that also brightens up your everyday life!